I can take apart the remote control - and I can almost put it back together...

I'm going to start tonight off by complaining. I was watching the Cardinal game tonight, and was primed to witness a great comeback. When Mather hit that HR in the 10th, I could feel it. This was going to be a fun post-game to watch. And then.... HE came up to bat for the Nat'ls.

Who is HE, you ask?



Elijah Dukes. What, you don't know who he is? Well, let me en-light-en you on Mr. Dukes and his infamous personality. He was one of the more hyped prospects in baseball just a few short years ago. The guy was touted as the next great thing. The Tampa Bay Devil Rays drafted him in the 3rd round. Go him. Youth was the new movement.

Then, Mr. Dukes opened up his giant ball of crazy for all the world to see. He threatened his ex-wife and kids with the classic line:


"Hey, dawg. It's on, dawg. You dead, dawg. I ain't even bulls-------. Your kids too, dawg. It don't even matter to me who is in the car with you. N-----, all I know is, n-----, when I see your m-----f------- a-- riding, dawg, it's on. As a matter of fact, I'm coming to your m-----f------ house."


That's some pretty messed up shit right there. First of all, you've gotta be out of your damn mind to call your wife "dawg" - what the F is that all about? And, now I haven't done too much researching, so the kids may not be his biologically - but they are at least his stepkids. So - when he says "your kids too" - he's pretty much threatening his own kids. This man has obviously lost touch with reality. He's more out of his mind than your average Nebraska football fan. Then he drops a few N-bombs on his ex-wife, and threatens her when she's ridin'.

How about this:

"On April 30, Gilbert was in her classroom at Shields Middle School when she heard a banging on the door. Her students were at lunch. Another teacher answered the door.

"It was Elijah (my husband) coming toward me at my desk stating he was going to beat my a-- and kill me," Gilbert wrote in her request for a restraining order."

Batshit crazy. So, why do I care? Because this guy just BEAT THE CARDINALS LIKE THEY WERE HIS WIFE AND KIDS. C'mon, you HAD to see that one coming. But seriously, the guy hit a triple and the walk-off HR to win the game. I hate him.

Which brings me to something else - how come he can get a job but Barry Bonds can't? Barry's not been the greatest person in the world - but I would say that taking steroids, lying about it, being a prick for years, cheating on your wife, using illegal funds to take out a mistress, and all his other shit would be much less disturbing and off-putting than almost EVERYTHING that Elijah Dukes has done since becoming a big leaguer.

Speaking of tonight's game - did any of you 2 readers watch it? And if so, did you see the three moron kids dancing behind home plate? Now, waving while on a cellphone is one thing. "Hey mom, look at me!" But dancing? And not only dancing, but pre-teen white-boys-who-want-to-be-street dancing? At a Washington Nationals game? Those kids have a lifetime of disappointment ahead of them. I obviously don't have pictures of them, but here is what I am thinking they most resemble:



"Hey playa, when we go to the baseball gizzzzame tonight, we need to blow that shit up!"
"Fo' real... our Nats are playing the St. POOish CardBALLS"
"I've got an 'dea, yo... let's take an extra shirt, and behind home plizzzate, wave dem like helicopters!"
"NICE. The girlys will be all over us at schizzzole tomrrow. STUNNA"

The next day they find out they are extremely hated by everyone and get beat up by the chess team. The chess team then goes on to bang all the cheerleaders in the expensive cars that these morons rented to take pictures with. Then, the three other guys they hung out with abandon them, pelting them with fake bling and laughing.

Moral of the story? Don't be that guy behind home plate.

That's it for me, sportsfans. Have a happy friday, and don't forget:



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